Freshmen Dorms

Seth wondered why both Alexis and Evelyn looked like they were asphyxiating. Or laughing. This was serious shit.

He stared at the pacing Spaniard and then at Connor and then back at Jake. "I got no line for ya! Yeah, I heard ya telling Red all that shit about me!"

Evelyn glanced at Alexis, stifling a giggle. Her hand on her phone was shaking so badly, and the added tequila/vodka/whatever mix was worsening it.

Seth flapped his arms like an offended chicken. "And I KNOW you told her she was hotter than me! Fo' reals, dawg, that was low as fuuuuuck! And I got me a new hussy. So what if Connor crashed? I don' need chu! I don't need yo fancy-ass Enrique schizzle. That bitch wouldn't know sexy if it danced in Victoria's Secret in front o' him!"

He walked away from Jake and over to Ashton. "Gimmie that!" He snatched the ice from the other boy and went and held it over Connor's face. "WAKE UP, SHITFACE!"

Alexis started giggling slightly at the scene, before jumping a little when her cousin let out a loud-groan that made it official that he was alive. Drunk but alive.

"Homer, gerroffofmeh..." Connor grumbled, flailing his arms lazily.

Alexis giggled more but stifled it with another swig from the flask.

Evelyn stopped recording when a devious idea struck her. Maybe it was the buzz from the tequila. Maybe she was just hanging around Seth and Jake too much. She glanced at Alexis as she took another swig of Seth's Brain-Masher mixture. "I'm gonna need you to forget Connor's related to you for a second."

She grinned and handed over her flask and phone to Alexis before vanishing to her room for a second. She came back out instantly, armed with a clear bottle of pink polish and a large makeup brush.

"Hey!" Seth was yelling happily. "HE LIVES! MOTHERFUCKA'S KICKING! RAISE THE ROOF, THIS SHIT'S STILL SHOOTIN'--oy!"

Evelyn had shoved him aside and crouched down by Connor's head. While he moaned and groaned, she ran her fingers gently through his hair to soothe him like one would a baby. She set down the bottle of polish beside her and dipped its smaller brush into it, keeping one hand stroking Connor's head to calm him. "Relaaaax, Connor," she said in a soothing sing-song voice. "I'll just take a minute."

"What are you doing?" Seth asked anxiously, leaning over her shoulder.

"Record, Alex!" Evelyn said.

Alexis moved closer, recording Evelyn set up Connor's social doom as he just laid there like a puddle, melted from his hair being played with. She took a few more swigs of the flask before closing it and shoved it in her pocket, trying to keep the phone- no, her, steady all the sudden.

Seth was growing confused. Evelyn didn't look like she was harming Connor. He looked like he was enjoying it, in fact.

Evelyn lifted up the paint-dipped brush with her free hand and applied a thin streak to Connor's bangs, keeping her other hand stroking gently.

Seth frowned more. "Hey, that's a gay color!"

"No, it darkens," Evelyn lied through her teeth. She continued streaking Connor's hair with the nail polish. The smell might wake him though, she worried.

"Momma, I dun wanna go to class, 'cuz all the mean girls kick dirt in my eyes..." Connor hiccuped and nuzzled Evelyn's legs instead before looking up at her. "Oh.. HAI SXZEEEE!" he laughed.

Alexis squeaked, giggling as she watched, and taped.

Jake stared down at Connor's newly, well poorly streaked pink hair and hiccuped, "He looks just as gay as you Andreasis, I guess its a match made in gay paradise! Whatever I'm too hot for you anyway, I need a J Lo or something to my fuckin Enrique!" He said snapping his fingers.

"You're so gay, but you don't even like boys... no you don't even like, no you don't even likee!!" Jake's voice rasped, as he sung a la Katy Perry to the two boys, dancing a bit more around the dorm.

Seth was clearly trying to figure out if he should smack Jake for his stupid commentary or watch out fir his semi-conscious friend.

He chose to do both. "Your mom is gay! Go screw a penguin!!" he informed Jake and then slid down the wall to sit beside Evelyn.

Evelyn swore softly and attempted to shift so she'd be out of Connor's reach. This was made harder by Seth taking up all nuzzle-safe areas around Connor. She shoved him back down with one hand. "Yeah, sure, go back to sleep, Connor," she cooed pleasantly. She tilted his head as she said this to streak the sides pink too. "Or the Grudge will come and take revenge for your bad hair," she muttered.

Seth, now bored because nobody was in mortal danger, got up woozily and staggered to where Alexis stood. "You're drinking that?" he asked, taking the flask from her and peering in it. He leaned against the wall by her.

Ashton decided now was a good time to resume his nap, this time, behind the sofa.

Jacob wobbled on over to Evelyn and watched her paint in astonishment, he looked like he had witnessed the second coming of Jesus.

"That is so beautiful." He squeaked, his voice beyond gone now.

"Yeah?" Evelyn asked, devilish wheels in her head turning. She looked up and flashed Jake what could have been a nice smile if her eyes weren't narrowed. She decided she was done with Connor and shifted her body a little so she was facing Jake. "Why don't I make you look better than him? Sit down, Sal."

Jake snorted and poked Evelyn's forehead a few million times, "Very funny LC, but it takes more than that to fool old Sal here. You have to wake up petty early in the morning...and I drink lotsa coffee."

Jake took his drunk ass to the kitchen, and hopped onto the counter to his luck, he didn't kill himself on the way up. He found the cookie jar and started to scarf down their cookies.

"My hands uh my hands uh uh my hands out the cookie jar, can't keep ma hands out da cookie jar." He sang with a mouthful of Oreos.

"Yeah, why?" Alexis looked over at Seth, blinking a little as she toddled on her heeled boots again, and turned off the camera on the phone before putting it down by Evelyn and gripped onto her shoulder a little to stay steady for a moment before standing straight and went over to Seth, grabbing the flask again.

***

Connor hiccuped and wrapped his arms around Evelyn's waist firmly and kissed her knee. "purrrty leeegs..." He did a catty purr before busting out laughing, burying his face in Evelyn's right thigh.

Evelyn's jaw dropped and her face felt like it was on fire. She decided she'd gotten all the revenge she wanted on Connor (for now) and scooted backwards, trying to break out of his alcoholically-enhanced grip. "Shit, Alexis!" she yelped. "Your cousin is molesting me! Quit gettin' it on with Tinkerbell and help me!"

Seth's blue eyes widened at this. He glanced down at Alexis, who was slowly getting drunker. "Hey, save some 'o that for Red. She don't got no clue how to have fun." He snagged the flask back from her and walked to Evelyn, thrusting it in her face. "Drink this an' he'll let go. Scouts' honor."

He'd never been the most honorable scout - so he didn't have any leverage to keep this promise.

Evelyn glared at him. Her hand tightened around the bottle of polish and in a swift move, she poured it on Connor's head. "Let go!"

"Hey!" Alexis frowned and snagged it away from Evelyn after going over. "Don't waste it on the idiot!"

Connor coughed and only tightened his grip, whining loudly and kicked his legs. "Stopitstopitstopitttt!"He whined.

Jake swayed back and forth on the counter, to the beat of whatever song was presently in his head.

"Throw yo hands up in the air, wave em like yo just don' careee, heeeeey! Hoeee! Heeey! Hoe!" He said waving his arms back and forth.

"I'll scream," Evelyn said firmly, trying to shift so she could hopefully knee Connor off (and ensure he never had kids in the future). She uncurled her legs and leaned back on one hand, nudging her knee into his ribcage. "I swear to Go-!"

She choked when an impatient Seth, tired of holding out the flask, simply shoved it into her mouth. Evelyn swallowed involuntarily and then ducked away, coughing. Her eyes flashed and Seth registered this might be a bad thing. She inhaled.

"Tu est un trou du cul et je vais m'assurer que tu n'a jamais voir un autre matin!"

Say what now? he wondered.

"Tres bien?" Seth tried, confused.

"Oh my God," Evelyn muttered. "Alexis, if you don't get this lump off of me, I'll sic Seth on you. Ain't she pretty, Seth?"

Seth stopped trying to translate what she'd said and focused his attention on the other brunette. "She's smokin'! I'd totally bang her but she'd never let me. Ah, cruel fate!"

Connor laughed but then yelped when Alexis quickly kicked him in the side, making him roll off, whimpering like the damaged puppy he was. Then he remembered.

"FRANKIE! You bi..****.. you gave away Frankie.."he whimpered, eyes wide with drunken tears.

Alexis cringed, feeling slightly guilty and quickly snatched the flask from Seth's hand and took a swig to keep a comment back.

Jake slithered off the counter, his trusty cookie jar in hand, and went over to Connor's drunken self, "Ah quit crying here have a cookie!" He said throwing a cookie in his face.

Jacob then staggered on over to Seth, taking a few more cookies out of the jar and crumpling them in his hand, he sprinkled the crumbs over Seth's slivery hair, "I liked you better with dark hair. You look lesseded gay."

Seth, who was still standing behind Evelyn, gaped in outrage. "You bastard! I knew you were jealous!"

Evelyn, guessing what was about to come, took the flask from Alexis and began to swallow down whatever Brain Mashing thing Seth had in there, ignoring the way it made her brain feel like it was being trampled by a PMSing rhinoceros.

Seth pointed a dramatic finger in Jake's face, accidentally jabbing him in the eye. "HA! Connor got further with YOUR hussy than you did! I KNEW I liked that kid! He knows how to work his pretty-boy swag!"

Evelyn began to choke. "What?!"

Alexis busted out laughing, her head swimming a little as she leaned down, resting her hands against her knees. They all looked do ridiculous.

Connor grinned widely. "Oooh, cookie.."he grabbed it up and started to eat at it, stumbling upward and stumbled off to the dorm bedrooms.

"Soulja Boy, Tell em!" Jake said smacking Seth upside the head for having poked him in the eye as he rubbed it, the dumb fuck.

He focused his good eye on Evelyn and said, "Yeaaahhh youzz a hoee, fo show!"

Evelyn, now feeling like she was perfectly capable of unicycling over the Niagara on a string, replied, "You're the doof who fell up the stairs."

Seth whistled. "Ooh, burn." He wobbled over and sat down next to Alexis, slinging an arm around her. "Wanna make out? I'mma cash in that rain check."

Alexis hiccuped briefly and looked at Seth, slumping into him a little. "uh huh?"She said, not really actually aiming for that but more meant an "huh?" but hiccuped.

"At least I never fell off a table cause I was dancing!" Jake said flailing his arms, and reaching into the cookie jar only to his misfortune to see it empty.

"Baby if you strip, you could get a tip cause I like you just the way you areee!" Jake said winking over at Evelyn.

Seth figured this was "yes" enough. "Awesome!" He tugged Alexis toward him and planted a kiss on her mouth.

Evelyn frowned at Jake, mildly confused. Strip what? "You want a cheese string?" she asked. She glanced around as Connor headed toward their rooms. Some part of her brain told her this was going to be bad but she didn't really figure out why.

Evelyn scrambled upward, holding onto the wall. She felt suffocated. She slowly made her way to the window, pushing it open again. "Oh my Gosh, it's raaaaining! It's poouuuriiing!" She held out her arms, feeling them get wet.